i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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