He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
