She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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