Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
