We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
