omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
