So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
