Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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