Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
