She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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