Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
