You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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