she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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