***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
