u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
