How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
