You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
