i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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