sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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