Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
