I just cut my nipple shaving
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
