I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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