Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
