Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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