Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
