he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
