Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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