I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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