So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
