How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
