I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
