The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
