why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
