i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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