I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
