So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
