Having a random hookup so left but love u
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
