you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
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Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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