Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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