Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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