operation harelip BJ is a go
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
