So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
