Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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