just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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