once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
