you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
