i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
