I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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