I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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