You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
