I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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