your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
