he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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