I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will pee on everything he values.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
