omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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