yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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