Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
