onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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