Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You took a bar mat shot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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