i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need to stop coming to work sober
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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