i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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