remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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