Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
