im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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