i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
