it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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