If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I sprained my soul last night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize