I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
