omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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