non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize