I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
