k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
