i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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