it wasn't lemon gatorade
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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