I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
