someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
