I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
