dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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