Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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